I follow quite a few blogs, some on blogger (which I read on google reader) and some on bloglovin. When I saw a few, I mean about 30 different blogs... :)
I follow different types of blogs too, thank god, right? I read fashion blogs, style blogs, proana blogs, philosophy blogs, psychology blogs, "thought" blogs, book review blogs, LGBT blogs, cooking blogs, game blogs and so on.
I like the different blogs and love to read things that make one think. For example I read about yuri (lesbian) movies, and decided to watch "But I'm a cheerleader". Not a bad movie, but not really a good movie either. It's about a girl, who gets sent to a "rehab for homosexuals" place. She didn't know she was a lesbian when she was sent there, but found out on the "journey to being normal". I'm not sure what year it's from, but it's got female/male roles, that they have to relearn. For example the main character and the other girls that are there have to learn how to cook, clean and care for their husbands. The males on the other hand have to learn to be manly and know manly things, like fixing a car. It's entertaining, but not something I'd watch sober again. Might watch it with friends while having a couple of drinks.
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Monday, October 17, 2011
How thought can destroy your life
Lately I've had self destructive thoughts. E.g thoughts on cutting (ones self), drinking til I can't remember, killing myself, so on. Now don't get me wrong, I have actually done any of these things, they are just on my mind.
Why or how they came to be is beyond me... I've never been depressed, or not really. I've had my lows like every other human being at my age (1991). Yet the thoughts came, if I really want to pin-point them out, they all come from the same trigger... my mother. She means the world to me, but like any other mother, she doesn't know where to stop. The first and only time where I seriously considered suicide was after my mother said some things that cut way deeper than I thought they could and I don't think my mom knew it would affect me. I don't even know if she knows that I have had those thoughts and that she was the trigger.
Feeling are something I have learned not to express, because if you do, they get used against you (not my parents, but my siblings are the trigger this time). I can't believe how different we 4 are. I'm not sure if you would consider me the middle child or not, but I feel like I am. My twin sister is the youngest. She has always been the baby of the family and has also grown up spoiled (like every other baby). My big sister is just that. The first to do everything, the oldest, the "wisest"... And then we have my big brother, who in all theory is the middle child (big sister, big brother, me, twin sister - the children in age, from oldest to youngest). I'm really not sure if you would call him the middle child because even if he was, he is the only boy. That is a title in and of itself. A middle child is someone others easily forget. Someone that has no "real" role in the family. And I believe myself to be that person. Someone that doesn't have to be there and everything still works out. The only thing I feel I am in the family is dad's little girl. We get along, because 1 I have the patience of an angel and 2 everybody else likes mom more. (I just noticed this became a short biography of my family...) Being the middle child has it ups and downs. My sister plays with me if nobody else is around - an up. I get alone time - an up. I learned patience - an up. I was bored - a down. When I was sad nobody noticed - a down...
My mother, sister and I moved to another country without my dad, brother and big sister. My father is now remarried and my mother is a lesbian (she is dating a woman from the country we left). None of by siblings keep in contact with my father, I do thou. His wife is different from what we know... It's like if you're given chicken every day and then one day you're given pork, you'd be all, what the fuck is this? It's so different you deny it. You think, life was good with chicken, why the sudden change to pork? What is pork? Does pork taste like chicken? And so on...
Why or how they came to be is beyond me... I've never been depressed, or not really. I've had my lows like every other human being at my age (1991). Yet the thoughts came, if I really want to pin-point them out, they all come from the same trigger... my mother. She means the world to me, but like any other mother, she doesn't know where to stop. The first and only time where I seriously considered suicide was after my mother said some things that cut way deeper than I thought they could and I don't think my mom knew it would affect me. I don't even know if she knows that I have had those thoughts and that she was the trigger.
Feeling are something I have learned not to express, because if you do, they get used against you (not my parents, but my siblings are the trigger this time). I can't believe how different we 4 are. I'm not sure if you would consider me the middle child or not, but I feel like I am. My twin sister is the youngest. She has always been the baby of the family and has also grown up spoiled (like every other baby). My big sister is just that. The first to do everything, the oldest, the "wisest"... And then we have my big brother, who in all theory is the middle child (big sister, big brother, me, twin sister - the children in age, from oldest to youngest). I'm really not sure if you would call him the middle child because even if he was, he is the only boy. That is a title in and of itself. A middle child is someone others easily forget. Someone that has no "real" role in the family. And I believe myself to be that person. Someone that doesn't have to be there and everything still works out. The only thing I feel I am in the family is dad's little girl. We get along, because 1 I have the patience of an angel and 2 everybody else likes mom more. (I just noticed this became a short biography of my family...) Being the middle child has it ups and downs. My sister plays with me if nobody else is around - an up. I get alone time - an up. I learned patience - an up. I was bored - a down. When I was sad nobody noticed - a down...
My mother, sister and I moved to another country without my dad, brother and big sister. My father is now remarried and my mother is a lesbian (she is dating a woman from the country we left). None of by siblings keep in contact with my father, I do thou. His wife is different from what we know... It's like if you're given chicken every day and then one day you're given pork, you'd be all, what the fuck is this? It's so different you deny it. You think, life was good with chicken, why the sudden change to pork? What is pork? Does pork taste like chicken? And so on...
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