Comments: "mother"/"my mother"/"mom"/"that woman" - whatever YOU call your mother has nothing to do with me. If I refer to her as something (e.g mother) and not as something else (e.g my mother/mom), that is my business, not yours. And no, I do not call her mother to her face, she is called "mom".
The day started off like normal. I'm told what to do and I do it. But then my mother leaves to see a movie and my sister "takes" the parenting position. First off, I won't mind that she does it, if she was good at it! Secondly, I'm older! Why does she think she can take that position, just because mother is out?
So now SHE is telling ME what to do! SHE has NO right to tell me what to do. Mother told me what to do and I did as mother said. SHE can't ADD on to what mother told me to do!
Mother told us not to be on the computer or watch tv until what we agreed upon was done (aka I was told to clean the kitchen). Anywho... Mother leaves, sister goes on computer (she is not done what was asked of her yet) and tells me I'm not done, so I'm not allowed to watch tv,
I ask her: "What am I missing?". And she lists a long list of things, that I had done, just not up to HER standers. They are however up to my mothers. I tell her she has got to be kidding me! And then ignore everything she says (childish, I know... but it works the best). She gets angry! Starts yelling at me about something to do with yesterday... I didn't go out drinking with my friends, and that apparently ruined her plans. So she is angry...
She then tells me to go to my room. WTF? She tells me because her plans were ruined I have to stay in my room all day, so that she can have the house to herself. WTF? How is any of this MY problem? Of course, I say NO! And she gets even more angry. She then tries to take my key (to my door) and I shove her away. She now so angry that her face is red, HITS ME! Punches me. Repetitively. And I push her away, which does nothing because her anger has to come out, and it's coming out in punches on me!
Mother is still at the movies and I now have a shitload of bruises... and one scratch mark. About an hour before mother comes home, she calls her. And tells her I started it. That I hit her first...
Oh yay, did I remember to tell you that she hates the fact that I'm alive? And she wishes that I stayed with my father, so mother and her would have a nice life here alone. She wishes that I didn't have money, friends, things or a family... To say those things to a person, who you have no idea what's going on with. You have NO right to say such things! I've considered suicide in the past, and saying such things aren't fun to hear.
Now I have no idea what to do... about my sister... or my relationship with my mother...
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother. Show all posts
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My dysfunctional family
My family relations are really bad. Not just me being super unsocial, but because after my father got remarried every other child (we are 4 in all) stopped contact with him. I haven't because I like him and don't really mind his new wife. She's different... I'll try not be be racist, but we (my family) are all white, sorry Caucasian. And my fathers wife is Indian (Amercian-Indian, not India-Indian). I'm not holding that against her, but her family is so... Every stereotyping you think of when you think of Indians, her family hits them. I don't know how that happens, but hers did. Now.. we are not used to "non-Caucasian" family types. We are your average family. 1 mother, 1 father, 1 boy and 2,5 girls (1,5 is for us twins... we are the "youngest", even though I'm never treated like the youngest, that is 100% my sisters "duty").
My mom is a chef, my dad is a customs officer. My big sister is a chef, my big brother is in the military... See a pattern? haha... My dad is born on a farm and has two other siblings, as does my mother (he has 2 brothers, she has 2 sisters). They meet in a foreign country... She moved to his country shortly after and lived with his ex for about a month. Sounds like I'm lying, right? But you just can't make this shit up.
They divorced about 8 years ago (I was 13.., no.. 12?). Oh my, did you guess my age? haha.
Anywho. After they divorced 4 of the 6 family members went to my mothers country of origin. Denmark. My big brother didn't come at the time ONLY because he was in 12th grade. And Denmark only goes to 9. You then go to a secondary school, if thats what you want to do. You can also do 10th, but you don't have to. And then there are trade schools and technical schools and such. I went and did both 10th and secondary school. Now moving on to a trade school. Anywho...
My big brother, big sister and twin sister DO NOT speak to my father. I have no idea why. I've heard the reasons, I don't believe the reasons... but that is not up for discussion. Or so I've been told.
My sister says she was hit by my dads wife. I was there, my dad was there, his wife was there. Nobody remembers her being hit. Only her. Now, I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm saying I don't believe it was such a big thing, that she is making it out to be.
My mom is a chef, my dad is a customs officer. My big sister is a chef, my big brother is in the military... See a pattern? haha... My dad is born on a farm and has two other siblings, as does my mother (he has 2 brothers, she has 2 sisters). They meet in a foreign country... She moved to his country shortly after and lived with his ex for about a month. Sounds like I'm lying, right? But you just can't make this shit up.
They divorced about 8 years ago (I was 13.., no.. 12?). Oh my, did you guess my age? haha.
Anywho. After they divorced 4 of the 6 family members went to my mothers country of origin. Denmark. My big brother didn't come at the time ONLY because he was in 12th grade. And Denmark only goes to 9. You then go to a secondary school, if thats what you want to do. You can also do 10th, but you don't have to. And then there are trade schools and technical schools and such. I went and did both 10th and secondary school. Now moving on to a trade school. Anywho...
My big brother, big sister and twin sister DO NOT speak to my father. I have no idea why. I've heard the reasons, I don't believe the reasons... but that is not up for discussion. Or so I've been told.
My sister says she was hit by my dads wife. I was there, my dad was there, his wife was there. Nobody remembers her being hit. Only her. Now, I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm saying I don't believe it was such a big thing, that she is making it out to be.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Being told not to, then told to
Contradictions... My family is so good at them. The best way to explain it is through examples...
When I was 6 or 7 I told my mom I wanted to be a chef, just like her and my big sister. She looked at me with disgust and told me I wasn't allowed to be one, because the family already had two, we didn't need a third. At school in grade 9 we told to start figuring out what we want to be. I can home and told my mother this and she told me I was suited for desk work because I wasn't a very smiley person... That was a couple of years ago... She told be last month that the man she works with thinks I'd make a good chef (I was working there for about 4 years as a dishwasher) and she asked me why I don't pursue that as a career? I looked at her like she was out of her mind and told her, that she had told me I wasn't allowed to be that. She then looked at me like I was crazy and said she had never said such a thing... What does that say about me? That I heard wrong? That I remembered incorrectly? That I am stupid for remembering something like that when clearly she doesn't...
Another example. My sister and I were watching tv and I commented on something, lets say it was about sharks. She will then discuss why what I said was wrong, I'll let her be and say I could be wrong, but I don't believe I am. We google it and what does it say? I'm right! -- About 2 weeks later we're watching and the same shark show is being broadcast. My sister then tells me a fact she learned on the internet about sharks.. the same fact I, 2 weeks ago, had told her. I say I knew that and that I had told her and she gets pissed and says that I'm lying... I have of course no way of proving I'm right and vice versa. Am I the only one in this family with a memory? Am I the only one that cares?
When I was 6 or 7 I told my mom I wanted to be a chef, just like her and my big sister. She looked at me with disgust and told me I wasn't allowed to be one, because the family already had two, we didn't need a third. At school in grade 9 we told to start figuring out what we want to be. I can home and told my mother this and she told me I was suited for desk work because I wasn't a very smiley person... That was a couple of years ago... She told be last month that the man she works with thinks I'd make a good chef (I was working there for about 4 years as a dishwasher) and she asked me why I don't pursue that as a career? I looked at her like she was out of her mind and told her, that she had told me I wasn't allowed to be that. She then looked at me like I was crazy and said she had never said such a thing... What does that say about me? That I heard wrong? That I remembered incorrectly? That I am stupid for remembering something like that when clearly she doesn't...
Another example. My sister and I were watching tv and I commented on something, lets say it was about sharks. She will then discuss why what I said was wrong, I'll let her be and say I could be wrong, but I don't believe I am. We google it and what does it say? I'm right! -- About 2 weeks later we're watching and the same shark show is being broadcast. My sister then tells me a fact she learned on the internet about sharks.. the same fact I, 2 weeks ago, had told her. I say I knew that and that I had told her and she gets pissed and says that I'm lying... I have of course no way of proving I'm right and vice versa. Am I the only one in this family with a memory? Am I the only one that cares?
How thought can destroy your life
Lately I've had self destructive thoughts. E.g thoughts on cutting (ones self), drinking til I can't remember, killing myself, so on. Now don't get me wrong, I have actually done any of these things, they are just on my mind.
Why or how they came to be is beyond me... I've never been depressed, or not really. I've had my lows like every other human being at my age (1991). Yet the thoughts came, if I really want to pin-point them out, they all come from the same trigger... my mother. She means the world to me, but like any other mother, she doesn't know where to stop. The first and only time where I seriously considered suicide was after my mother said some things that cut way deeper than I thought they could and I don't think my mom knew it would affect me. I don't even know if she knows that I have had those thoughts and that she was the trigger.
Feeling are something I have learned not to express, because if you do, they get used against you (not my parents, but my siblings are the trigger this time). I can't believe how different we 4 are. I'm not sure if you would consider me the middle child or not, but I feel like I am. My twin sister is the youngest. She has always been the baby of the family and has also grown up spoiled (like every other baby). My big sister is just that. The first to do everything, the oldest, the "wisest"... And then we have my big brother, who in all theory is the middle child (big sister, big brother, me, twin sister - the children in age, from oldest to youngest). I'm really not sure if you would call him the middle child because even if he was, he is the only boy. That is a title in and of itself. A middle child is someone others easily forget. Someone that has no "real" role in the family. And I believe myself to be that person. Someone that doesn't have to be there and everything still works out. The only thing I feel I am in the family is dad's little girl. We get along, because 1 I have the patience of an angel and 2 everybody else likes mom more. (I just noticed this became a short biography of my family...) Being the middle child has it ups and downs. My sister plays with me if nobody else is around - an up. I get alone time - an up. I learned patience - an up. I was bored - a down. When I was sad nobody noticed - a down...
My mother, sister and I moved to another country without my dad, brother and big sister. My father is now remarried and my mother is a lesbian (she is dating a woman from the country we left). None of by siblings keep in contact with my father, I do thou. His wife is different from what we know... It's like if you're given chicken every day and then one day you're given pork, you'd be all, what the fuck is this? It's so different you deny it. You think, life was good with chicken, why the sudden change to pork? What is pork? Does pork taste like chicken? And so on...
Why or how they came to be is beyond me... I've never been depressed, or not really. I've had my lows like every other human being at my age (1991). Yet the thoughts came, if I really want to pin-point them out, they all come from the same trigger... my mother. She means the world to me, but like any other mother, she doesn't know where to stop. The first and only time where I seriously considered suicide was after my mother said some things that cut way deeper than I thought they could and I don't think my mom knew it would affect me. I don't even know if she knows that I have had those thoughts and that she was the trigger.
Feeling are something I have learned not to express, because if you do, they get used against you (not my parents, but my siblings are the trigger this time). I can't believe how different we 4 are. I'm not sure if you would consider me the middle child or not, but I feel like I am. My twin sister is the youngest. She has always been the baby of the family and has also grown up spoiled (like every other baby). My big sister is just that. The first to do everything, the oldest, the "wisest"... And then we have my big brother, who in all theory is the middle child (big sister, big brother, me, twin sister - the children in age, from oldest to youngest). I'm really not sure if you would call him the middle child because even if he was, he is the only boy. That is a title in and of itself. A middle child is someone others easily forget. Someone that has no "real" role in the family. And I believe myself to be that person. Someone that doesn't have to be there and everything still works out. The only thing I feel I am in the family is dad's little girl. We get along, because 1 I have the patience of an angel and 2 everybody else likes mom more. (I just noticed this became a short biography of my family...) Being the middle child has it ups and downs. My sister plays with me if nobody else is around - an up. I get alone time - an up. I learned patience - an up. I was bored - a down. When I was sad nobody noticed - a down...
My mother, sister and I moved to another country without my dad, brother and big sister. My father is now remarried and my mother is a lesbian (she is dating a woman from the country we left). None of by siblings keep in contact with my father, I do thou. His wife is different from what we know... It's like if you're given chicken every day and then one day you're given pork, you'd be all, what the fuck is this? It's so different you deny it. You think, life was good with chicken, why the sudden change to pork? What is pork? Does pork taste like chicken? And so on...
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